Today, we shall
be discussing the Keys Of Talking And Listening, as
another vital key of effective communication. Silence, we
all know, is only permitted in the grave. The only proof of
life, therefore, is communication in its various forms.
Communication is a two-way process that involves talking
and listening. Couples need to spend time communicating
with each other, because such time spent is never a waste,
but an investment. It is not so much of how long, but how
well. This helps in developing personal relationship with
each other. Someone has said, “A good communicator is
always a good listener.” That is, a good communicator is
not one who talks all the time, but one who knows when to
talk and when to listen (Ecclesiastes 3:1).
Can you imagine how frustrating it will be for you to
receive a phone call from a friend, who spends twenty
minutes talking, never allowing you to say a word? It is
quite frustrating! For communication to be effective, when
one is talking, the other person should listen. God’s Word
says: Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be
swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath (James 1:19).
This simply means that you should listen more than you
talk. Perhaps, this is the reason God gave man two ears,
but only one mouth, I believe.
One person should not be the only one talking throughout.
No matter your temperament, never monopolize a
discussion. Give room to your spouse or other members of
the family to express themselves, as well. If your partner is
an introvert, and you are an extrovert, be patient enough to
allow him time to talk and wait for him to finish before you
respond. Know that good lovers are usually good listeners.
Learn to listen!
It is important for us to know that men generally are direct
in communication, while most of the time women are not.
Women talk to get relief, while men talk to pass across
information. Women talk to express their feelings, because
to them, this is a process of proffering solutions to their
problems, but men think logically to solve problems. Most
of the time, wives just need their husbands to listen to them
and not necessarily to proffer solutions to their demands.
Women communicate their feelings by making general
statements. For instance, a woman says, “We never go
out” while she is expressing her desire for another date.
The man responds sharply with statements like “We went
out last week”. Understanding is the key, and in order to be
able to fully grasp what your wife wants, you have to read
from what she says and you must first listen to her.
There are various ways you can enhance effective
communication in your marriage. They are, but not limited
to:
Openness: There should be no hide-and-seek game
between you and your spouse, because you are now one.
No one keeps secrets from himself. So, feel free to discuss
anything and everything about yourself, with your spouse.
It is not possible for the toe to hurt without the brain
knowing; they are both members of one body.
Similarly, God expects that when two become one in holy
wedlock, nothing should be kept as secret between them.
Both must be open to one another and walk in sincerity.
When a man takes a woman as a wife, the Bible declares
that in God’s eyes, they are one flesh (Mark 10:8).
The devil often leads people into thinking that if they open
up completely, they may never be accepted for who they
are or that when their spouses hear the whole truth about
an issue, they won’t love them anymore. But this is a lie.
God’s Word says: And they were both naked, the man and
his wife, and were not ashamed (Genesis 2:25). If in the
beginning, the man and his wife were naked but did not
experience shame, then it follows that if you apply the
same principle of openness to your marriage, shame will
not be your portion!
Appreciation: For every little thing or gift you receive from
your spouse, learn to appreciate it because this will
provoke him or her to go the extra mile to do anything for
you. Appreciate the fact that you are married to him or her.
Continuous Forgiveness: Keeping of grudges and offences
will create distance between you and your spouse. This
eventually degenerates to anger, which stirs up bitterness
and hatred that blocks the free flow of effective
communication. Never you go to bed at night with
something against your spouse in your heart. If you do, you
have given the devil room to penetrate your marriage
through nightmares, for instance. Make sure whatever
needs to be sorted out, is done same day. You shall not fail
in Jesus’ name!
To fulfill marital responsibilities, as discussed here, you
need to secure God’s grace by giving your life to Christ. If
you are not born again and you want to do so today, please
say this prayer:
Dear Lord, I come to You today. I am a sinner. Forgive me
of my sins. Cleanse me with Your precious Blood. Deliver
me from sin and Satan, to serve the Living God. I accept
You as my Lord and Saviour. Now I know I am born again!
Congratulations! Till I come your way again next week, call
or write, and share your testimonies with me through:
contact@faithoyedepo.org, counselling@faithoyedepo.org
OR 07026385437, 08141320204
For more insight, these books authored by me are
available at the Dominion Bookstores in all the Living Faith
Churches and other leading Christian bookstores:
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